I am an introvert. It is very easy to tell that I am. I never say hi to anyone I haven't had a lengthy conversation with. And recently people have been telling me that their opinions about my character, before having a lengthy conversation, were that I was a jerk. I realize this sounds crazy if you know me. But I think its because I don't talk to people. I mean I talk. But I just don't greet people with a smile very often. And I am awkward at best. I have been working on this. Because it is not very like me to be short with people. I have so much to say sometimes I lose words. I am a boiling pot of ideas, emotions, and opinions. But I never go all in with someone. I don't open up very often.
Lately, I have been sparking conversations with random people. I am trying to tune in to their stations. To listen to them. I feel like I have so much love for people, but I don't give myself opportunities to show it. It is a minute by minute fight for me to reach out. I'm sure some who read may know better than I how hard it is. But this is just me battling me again. Same old story.
One of my favorite people always points out how God loves us where we are and loves us so much not to leave us there. I want to convey that love. The love that God has for me at my lowest and highest. The love that God has for me that he rescues me on a daily basis. He has set my feet on a path and I am tripping all along the way. But I am determined to make it even if I have to crawl.
This determination isn't a concrete thing for me either. It is a constant decision. But like I said. Minutes are decisions and every decision is important.
If you are awkward at best I know it is hard to reach out. But it's just a decision you have to make for yourself. I do every minute. Haha.
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2 comments:
i know what you mean brother. Very nice blog.
i can relate .. seriously sometimes u find urself wanting to just stop and rest but you know me when it comes to doing a task i wont stop till its done so many examples with everything ive done in the Army ...ie.. 12 mile road march that was all uphill and at a 7mph pace so many times i felt like giving up but never once did i falter or give up because i knew of the feeling i would have at the end a feeling of acomplishment but more of joy and strength and also knowing that i could go further if it was needed next time
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